A Woman’s Midlife Crisis
Midlife is when you bounce (a lot) but you don’t bounce back (It’s more like Splat!)
Midlife has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can se your rear end without turning around.
Midlife women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
The good news about midlife is that the glass is still half-full.
Of course, the bad news is that it won’t be long before your teet are floating in it.
You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it si the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.
You know you’ve crossed the midlife threshold when you’re in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of “Stairway to Heaven” in the produce department.
Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves and that now you’re sitting on your biggest ones.
It’s very hard to “get jiggy with it” in midlife.
Jiggly, yes; jiggy, no.
Midlife is when your 1970s Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand-McNally (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin).
Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, “Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell and those things will too!”
Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, “For this I have stretch marks?”
Midlife is when you start to repeat yourself and your chins follow suit.
Midlife is when you realize that if you were a dog, you’d need a control top flea collar.
Midlife is when your memory really starts to go – The only thing you still retain is water.
You become more reflective in midlife. You start pondering the “big” questions:
- What is life?
- Why am I here?
- How much Health Choice ice cream can I eat before it’s no longer a healthy choice?
Welcome! My name is Brett Snyder and I am the Director of Search Engine Optimization (SEO) at an interactive marketing agency based in West Midtown Atlanta.
When I'm not studying and practicing SEO, you can find me hanging out with Braveheart, catching up with new and old friends, or finding a new way to stay busy.
All thoughts and opinions posted on this site are my own.