This post is part of my 30 day writing challenge designed to focus on sustaining creativity. For some more background, check out this post.

writers fears

Over the past 2 years writing to this site, I’ve learned the best way to start writing is to simply start writing. To write when you don’t know what to write about. To start that first push of the boulder and create something out of nothing. Starting the writing process is about staring at the blank paper/screen and not getting frustrated by the fact that you have no fucking idea what to put there. Writing is an evolving process, never complete, and that first step putting pen to paper is not going to be perfect. But that’s OK, it’s not supposed to be.

Personally, one of the biggest struggles I have is the compulsion that what goes down on the paper has to be something great. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it has to be a legitimate step in that direction. Part of that may be a desire to succeed. Part of it may be ego. Part of it may be fear of failure. More than anything, I think it has to do with the fact that I’ve always struggled with endeavors which I have little natural talent for. I believe in playing to your strengths, swimming with the current, going where the wind takes you, or whatever other overused cliche you prefer.

This is not to say I’m not willing to work at something. Quite the opposite in fact, being successful at anything (even if you have inherent gifts) requires commitment and hard work. However, to generate the motivation needed to be successful requires passion. And passion requires reward. And rewards require success. And the circle goes unbroken.

For me, it’s difficult to pursue something that I cannot generate at least iterative successes along the way to keep motivated. This is how I’ve always approached things to evaluate whether it was a good use of my time, and writing is no exception.

There are “rewards” to writing, don’t get me wrong. Website visits, for example, are probably the most objective. My stats are minimal, but they are there:

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However, the rewards of writing are more subjective than that. They are an opportunity to tell my story. To share my thoughts, even if no one cares to read them. To put yourself out there for criticism, judgment, or even ridicule. But this is exactly the reason writing appeals to me. Like me or not, this is who I choose to be. You’re here because for some reason or another, you’re interested in who I am and what I have to say. Writing is a reflection of personality, with all its imperfections, blemishes, and shining moments.

This is my personality, ever-changing and growing but never fully finished.

 

 

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